Sunday, July 4, 2010

I am really mad at Autism today....

As if J hasn't been having a hard enough time lately, here we are at 4th of July.  He has been even more on edge the last couple of days since we live in a city where certain fireworks are still legal.  Regardless of the fact that it is only legal to light them off between 8-1l on the 4th, they have been steadily increasing every day.  Last night they kept waking hubby and I up until 3am.  Thankfully the boys slept through them all. 

The plan was to go to a barbecue at a friends house and bring J's headphones and ear plugs for D and still have a great family time.  We just tried some very tame fireworks at home and J turned into a quivering mess at the sound of a Pop It being thrown on the ground.  He could tolerate the Pop Its as long as he had his headphones on.  We tried a small fountain that shot sparks up and made a crackling sound and he completely fell apart.  It was pure torture.  D LOVED the fireworks and can't wait to go to the barbecue, and now J is refusing to leave the house. 

Yet again, Autism robs our family of some great family time and we have to divide up to keep both boys happy.  I am just sad, frustrated and angry and am having a really hard time getting into the spirit of the holiday. 

I am not mad at J at all.  I feel so bad that it is so terrifying and painful for him.  I am mad at the monster that is Autism.

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