Perpetual Traumatic Stress Disorder

Here we are, summer "vacation."  It is more like "summer intensive" at my house.  The boys go from a structured routine, to having everything come to a screeching halt.  The first week went well.  I had braced myself for insanity but we kept to a bit of a routine and it wasn't so bad.

Then came this week......D has karate day camp from 8:30-4:30 Mon-Thurs.  Last summer when he went it was SO nice.  Having one on one time with J made my day so much easier!  When they got to play together in the evening they weren't sick of each other so they played fairly well together.  This go around has been insane.  J I think is having a really hard time without his brother being here.  I have tried to schedule in structure and fun but he has been resisting me and battling me at every turn.  I can tell he is upset because his rigidity has gone through the roof.  By the end of the school year he was doing SO well, but the change to summer came and his "autistic behaviors" have skyrocketed.  By the end of the day yesterday, I felt traumatized, both by the constant battles and the realization that I let frustration get the best of me and I handled them poorly.  I wonder how many parents of special needs kids if tested would be diagnosed with PTSD.  Except for us they would have to re-name it Perpetual Traumatic Stress Disorder.  There is nothing POST about it.  It happens day after day with no end in sight.

Today I woke up stressed and worried about the day ahead.  I got D off to camp and after battle #12 with J by 9 am decided I needed a new perspective.  I opened my Bible and brought out a parenting study I did a while ago and redid some work in it.  J was absorbed in his obsession "Wipeout."  It gave me the perspective shift I needed and calmed my stressed and anxious heart.  So far I have decided that I will work hard to chose my battles wisely and then make sure I win.  The number of battles of will haven't lessened today, but I have remained calm, haven't yelled, and so far I have won.  I am reinforcing manners, respect and rules.  I pray that if I put the work in, it will in time get easier.  I am no less exhausted than yesterday, but at least I don't feel guilty about the things that came out of my mouth and how I reacted.   I pray I can keep this up.

Then again it is only 3pm and that means 5 hours until the bliss of bedtime.  A lot can go down in 5 hours!

J starts a feeding group on the 13th so maybe being back at the Center will help.....